Tundra
Sisterhood of daggers
TEDDY BEAR
Tundra, you?re like the Swiss. You?ve got chocolate and everyone loves you.
Posts: 2,157
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Post by Tundra on Aug 17, 2009 6:52:00 GMT
Nearly finished writing.. Why am I suddenly finding this so hard?!?! I'm not even really sure what I want to write >_>
Anyhoo, the missing post from before the battle is nearly done as well.. Gah. *phew*
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Post by Queen SD on May 2, 2010 6:30:27 GMT
I was editing as usual and now I'm at the part where Jason asks the Queen if he can save his child. But the Heaven in the Light Side isn't real after all, so it would make no sense for the baby to be there after its death. So I think we have two options:
1) The demon who killed Jason's girlfriend was working for the Light Side, so he took the baby to them. The Light Side use the baby to set a trap for Jason. 2) The Light Side has invented a way to channel energy in such a way that every baby that dies ends up in "heaven". They then use the babies either as "test subjects" or they train them from a very young age to become fighters and spies for the Light Side. This version is not so probable, but it shows just how disgusting the Light Siders are.
So which one do you like best?
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Post by Teh HB on May 2, 2010 12:01:56 GMT
The way the rescue went, it seemed more like a trap than just some sort of experiment, so I'd have to go with 1, unless... They did 2, and realised whose baby it was, and felt they could use it to their advantage and trap him.
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Post by Queen SD on May 2, 2010 17:06:14 GMT
Okay I'll go with 1 then! It's a long easier to explain
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Post by TwilightDreamer on May 2, 2010 17:24:08 GMT
If I may suggest, you can always choose a more winding path, such as:
1) The demon kills the girl. 2) The demon takes the baby for whatever reasons (Being tasked to do so; Being amused; Having plans for it) 3) The demon betrays the Light Side (or vice versa). 4) The Light Side finds the baby, understand its worth and take it for themselves.
Such a path might be used to display the sly and conspicuous nature of the Light Side and of demons, as well as to showing what a fortune it is the rescue mission has been so successful.
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Post by Queen SD on May 3, 2010 5:09:22 GMT
That is a very interesting path... If you can, feel free to write it. But I'm too tired to add much extra stuff :/
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Post by Queen SD on May 7, 2010 21:58:10 GMT
I. AM. DONE. EDITING. Oooooh yeah xD This is awesome! I'm finally done... can't believe it!!
Well I'll be emailing you the 2nd part - it's up to you guys from now on!
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Post by TwilightDreamer on May 17, 2010 15:22:55 GMT
Been talked about in Skype, but should mention it here too.
The beginning of the Island is far from being optimal as it is now; Basically, it starts off way too fast (After introducing about 7 characters, and six pages, they get from the Island to London to Hell and get assaulted by an angry mob)
All in all, it seems that re-writing the opening seems to be mandatory; Since it wasn't too serious, and since it is written very differently from the ending. Asides from rewriting the opening, it might be wise to add some more events before where the story currently starts, to help introduce the characters.
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Post by Queen SD on May 17, 2010 20:37:51 GMT
I agree with adding an extra intro, but what do you mean re-write? Remove the hell bit, or write it in a better way? Either way, I would love to get back to writing! This story is fun and I think it'll be refreshing!
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Post by TwilightDreamer on May 18, 2010 9:55:19 GMT
Mainly writing it in a better way. If we agree that any specific thing must be removed, I don't see a reason why it should stay, though the idea is to keep the story very close to the original (Again, unless anyone wants to make a radical change or whatever)
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Post by Queen SD on Jun 3, 2010 19:40:04 GMT
Is this going anywhere?
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